


Beauty and the Grease Monkey

by NicholeRivera19



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Castiel, Angry Dean, Angst, Best Friends, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, CEO!Dean, Castiel Hates Himself, Castiel is a Tease, Castiel is gay, Dean Hates Himself, Eating Disorders, Ellen doesn't know daughter's sexuality but wouldn't judge her because she's awesome, Ellen is ecstatic when she finds out that she won't marry Castiel, F/M, Falling In Love, Fighting, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Funny sounds during sex, Hateful tones, Hobbies, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Jo doesn't wanna tell her because she thinks her mom will disown her, Laughter During Sex, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Making Love, Mechanic!Castiel, Michael is a jerkface, Pianist!Dean, Play Fighting, Self Confidence Issues, Self depreciation, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean, Top Castiel, Top Dean, True Love, engaged to someone else, first makeout, fun sex, gay slurs, mary is a bamf, painter!Castiel, trigger for homo phobic occurrences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:19:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3833341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicholeRivera19/pseuds/NicholeRivera19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel know that they love each other even at the tender age of thirteen. What happens when Castiel dies? How does Dean live knowing that not only is his best friend dead, but also the boy he wanted to marry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Boys Don't Kiss Boys

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HaleysHeaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleysHeaven/gifts).



"Dean! Are you paying attention?" A thirteen year old Castiel said, sitting next to Dean with his back against the wall on the bed. Dean's eyes snapped back to Castiel's, blinking slowly.

  
"Yeah, Cas. But I'm not paying attention to the work", he said, licking his lips while biting on his bottom lip. Castiel huffed at him while pushing his glasses up his nose. His fixed Dean with a stare, his cobalt eyes darkened with pretend anger; truth be told, he could never stay mad at Dean and the cocky bastard knew it.

  
"Dean, you asked to come over so I could help you in Algebra but"-his entire sentence was cut off as Dean's lips crashed into his in a sloppy, but endearing kiss. Castiel laughed against his mouth and returned the kiss feeling Dean pull him onto his lap. He didn't really understand the feelings go through his head, but all Castiel could focus on was how warm Dean was. Feeling Dean's tongue glide across the seam of his lips had Castiel melting in a puddle; his warm hands traveled down to Cas' hips as Castiel wound his arms around Dean's neck. He shyly opened his mouth and Dean's tongue felt odd, but warm and soothing. Their teeth clicked from their lack of experience and they pulled back to laugh in each other's breath, their cheeks reddening from shyness.

  
"So...Homecoming with me?" Dean grumbled. Clearing his throat shyly, Castiel nodded the red in his cheeks making the blue more pronounced. Dean's green eyes seemed to brighten as he gave Castiel a full smile. He gave him a sweet, chaste kiss before patting his thigh and Castiel moved to sit back next to him.

  
"You don't need help in Algebra do you?" Castiel asked, runing his hand through his habitually messy hair. Dean shook his head, throwing him a sweet smile.

  
"Nah, I get most of it. I just wanted to ask you to Homecoming so...I decided to just wing it. How'd I do?" He questioned. Castiel climbed back onto his lap and leaned up.

  
"Let me show you how well you did", Castiel whispered before claiming Dean's mouth with his in a feverish kiss. Castiel's fingers dug into Dean's hair, earning a soft groan from him as Dean's hand went to his hips again, squeezing them softly.

  
"Castiel! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Dean and Castiel jumped apart, their cheeks flushing and they both looked up into the enraged green eyes of Michael. Castiel quickly climbed off of Dean's lap, his ears even turning red.

  
"W-We were studying...but Michael you know I've"-"Castiel, go wait in my room", Michael ordered. Castiel looked at Dean sadly but gave him a soft wave before he walked out of the room and Dean could hear his footsteps fade down the hallway.

  
"Dean, I think it's imperative that you leave", he said snippily. Dean stood, shoving his books into his backpack angrily.

  
"Now wait just a minute"-"Now, Dean!" He exclaimed, the color rising high in his cheeks from his rage. Dean scowled and stomped out, cupping his hand around his mouth.

  
"Bye Cas!" He shouted. He walked down the hall hearing Michael storm down the hall before Dean followed silently; he heard muffled voices and his heart clenched.

  
"Castiel, what you were doing is wrong. Boys don't kiss boys. It's disgusting and wrong. I'm sure you were just experimenting, but you'll find a nice girl someday", Michael reprimanded. Dean felt his stomach churn with knots; _he was wrong? He's disgusting?_ Dean silently walked down the hall and down the stairs, closing the front door as softly as he could. Castiel bowed his head at Michael's tone, wishing his father was back from his business trip; if Michael was acting like this, who knows how angry his father would be. He bit his lip, they had lost the warmth of Dean; he wonders if Dean would get in trouble with his mother.

  
\------------------

  
Mary was just taking her lasagna from the oven when she heard the door open. She set it on the counter to cool and walked from the kitchen to the entryway. She stopped when she saw the stricken look across her eldest son's face.

  
"Dean, sweetie what happened?" She asked. Dean nearly flinched as she enveloped him in a warm, soft hug. He buried his face in her shoulder, willing himself not to cry.

  
"Mom, is there something wrong me? Am I disgusting?" He questioned frantically, looking up at Mary's kind face, her eyes creased with concern. Cupping his face in her delicate hands, she pressed a reassuring kiss on his forehead.

  
"Dean, Angel, there's nothing wrong with you. Do you feel sick? Why would you think you're disgusting?" She retorted. Dean bit his lip for a moment and Mary watched him with a frown on her face, neither one paying attention to the little five year old with hazel eyes and mop of brown hair watching from the banister of the stairs.

  
"Michael caught Cas and I kissing...I asked him to Homecoming and Michael told me to leave. But Mom...I overheard him telling Castiel that what he's doing is wrong and disgusting but that he'll find a girl someday. I don't want him to find a girl, Mom", Dean stated childishly. His cheeks were flushed and he didn't even realize that he had started crying until Dean felt his mother's hands wipe away his tears.

  
"Dean, there's nothing wrong with you. You like Castiel, right?" She inquired. Dean nodded as he fisted his eyes, trying to stop crying.

  
"Then baby, that's all that matters. Was Michael mean to you?" She said, her tone suddenly fierce. He shook his head.

  
"No...He was firm but not mean...", he said, trailing off. Mary sighed and turned around as they heard the pitter patter of feet on the hardwood; Dean saw his baby brother Sam, whom had just turned five running up to him with his hands outstretched. Dean caught his brother when he jumped and he squeezed Dean around the neck.

  
"Bean! Don't sad", he said, his voice high with emotion. Dean squeezed his brother to him tightly, laughing when Sam squealed. Sam always had a way of making him feel better when he didn't even want to smile; Castiel did the same thing, but Dean had a feeling he wouldn't be allowed back to see him.

  
"Why don't you and Sam get washed up for dinner, Dean. I made your favorite", she said. Dean carried Sam to the downstairs bathroom and made the water warm, rubbing Sam's hands in his with soap while he stood on the stool on his tiptoes.

  
"How's the water feel, Sammy?" Dean asked, not wanting to burn his baby brother's hand. Sam nodded and then dried his hands off on Dean's shirt, giggling, his dimples showing in his cheeks. Damn kid was going to be a knockout when he grew up.

  
\---------------

  
As two weeks turned into two months, Dean still hadn't seen or heard from Castiel and he was getting worried. His grades dropped a little bit but he knew Cas wouldn't want that so he tried hard to get them back up. He hadn't ended up going to Homecoming but he found that he was pretty much disinterested in anything the school had to offer, unless Castiel was there enjoying it with him. When he walked through the door he was ambushed by Sam who was giggling and held his hand to him. Dean knelt down to his brother's level as he unfurled his hand, showing Dean a piece of Dean's favorite chocolate that was a bit melted. Dean laughed and then he saw the dimpled grin.

  
"You can have it, Sammy. Mom, I'm home", he called out as he headed towards the kitchen. He froze when he saw Michael sitting at the table with his mother, his eyes red and just a bit puffy.

  
"Dean honey, why don't you take a seat?" Mary asked as Michael stood.

  
"Thank you for listening, Mary. I greatly appreciate the kindness you have shown me and my family through the year", he said. His voice sounded rough, as if he hadn't spoken in years. They heard the front door close as Dean sat down in the chair that Michael had previously been in.

  
"Dean, sweetie, Castiel is very sick. Michael told me it started with pneumonia and that now it's...", she paused, wondering if he was old enough to hear it. Dean frowned, touching his mother's hand.

  
"Mom, it's what?" He pressed. She sighed, a fresh wave of tears cascading down her features.

  
"It's not pneumonia. He has stage four cancer", she whispered. Dean slumped down in his chair, the colour leaving his cheeks; his eyes were downcast, almost listless.  
Castiel is going to die...and Dean still hasn't been allowed to see him.

  
\-------------------

  
"Dean, I need you to watch your brother for the evening while I do my shift down at the diner, okay?" Mary said as she gathered her things, putting them in her purse. Dean nodded from the table where he sat doing his Algebra homework-he sighed, Spring Break would be soon. Maybe Michael would let him come see Castiel then; he finished his homework up and then checked in the livingroom on Sam who sat happily watching Zaboomafoo, clapping along with the intro song when the doorbell rang. As Mary walked upstairs, she motioned at Dean to see who it was. Dean walked down the hallway to the front door and looked through the peephole, his breath catching when he saw it was Michael-he immediately opened the door, a hopeful look on his countenance.

  
"Dean", Michael said quietly. Dean's face contorted with emotion as Michael handed him an envelope, the writing didn't look like Castiel's; he opened his mouth to speak.

  
"It's the chemotherapy that's making his writing differen't, Dean. I'm sorry...But he asked me to bring that to you", he stated. Dean let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding; gingerly, he took the envelope holding it to his chest.

  
"Thank you, Michael. I really appreciate this", Dean whispered. Michael nodded, looking up as Mary descended the stairs.

  
"Hello, Michael", she greeted. Dean stepped aside and looked down at the envelope.

  
"On your way to work? Might I offer you a ride?" Michael continued. Mary gave him a slight glare before she replied.

  
"No thank you, Michael. I will be driving myself", she replied. Michael nodded curtly and then walked over to his car; as he drove off, Mary turned to Dean, kissing his forehead gently.

  
"I should be home around nine at the latest, can you hold down the fort until then?" She questioned. Dean nodded as she walked to the livingroom to say goodbye to Sam, smiling just a bit when Sam wriggled around and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Dean locked the door behind his mom and walked to the kitchen, setting the envelope down. He couldn't bring himself to open it, let alone read it.

  
\----------------------

  
It was four days away from Christmas when the phone rang; Mary was upstairs getting ready for an easy four hour shift at the diner.

  
"Dean, can you please get that?" She called down. Dean walked from the stove to the wall hook where the phone was ringing and pulled it from the receiver.

  
"Hello?" He asked, keeping an eye on the noodles cooking on the stove. Sam peeked over at him from the top of the couch, his hazel eyes wide with happiness.

  
"Dean, I'm...I'm so sorry. Castiel has passed away", Michael's familiar voice came from the other end. Dean sucked in a breath; his...his _everything_ was gone. His best friend, his boyfriend(come on, he was for like five minutes); gone, as if he had never been here.

  
"I'm sorry, Dean. I have some matters to attend to", he said and then the line went dead. Dean put the phone down slowly, before he walked over to the stove and strained the noodles, making sure they didn't stick. Adding the right amount of milk and butter, then the cheese powder and he waited about five minutes to thicken, before serving a bowl for Sam. Sammy comes bounding in and sits at the table, pushing his sleeve down before taking the spoon that Dean gives him.

  
"Thank you, Bean", he said. Dean sat at the table, the envelope practically taunting him but he still refused to read it. He couldn't, not after that.

  
"Dean, what's wrong?" Mary asked, panicked as she saw Dean's face; he was pale, a soft sweat breaking out over his forehead. Sammy was sitting at the table eating the mac and cheese Dean had made him for dinner. Dean finally found his voice.

  
"Mom, Cas is dead".


	2. You Again

Dean was driving home for Sunday dinner, singing along with an AC/DC song, using his steering wheel as a drum when he stopped at a red light; he saw a car shop with old cars lying around and stared when he saw a thin, but muscley young guy with messy dark hair. He rubbed down his face, the image disappearing when the young man walked inside, Dean shrugged and continued the quick drive to his mom's house. By the time he got there, he felt ravenous; he parked the Impala and got out, adjusting his waistcoat and his tie. As he entered the house, he was jumped by a lanky, teenage Sam who gave him a giant bear hug.

  
"Dean!" He exclaimed. All Dean could see was five year old Sammy looking up at him with the same dimpled smile. Dean returned the hug and slapped his arm, walking towards the kitchen from where he could hear his mom humming quietly to herself.

  
"Mom", he said. She turned as she took a freshly baked apple pie, setting it on the counter to cool. Dean inhaled deeply, the scent of apple and cinnamon filling his senses but also mingling with the sweet scent of gardenia that his mother had. She gave him a tight hug and fixed his tie before stepping back.

"Gee, Ma, it's only been a month since you last saw me", he chided playfully. Mary cupped his face, placing a gentle kiss on his nose when Sam bounded in, his cheeks flushed and his breath coming in short gasps, a shorter, blond boy following him who looked just as winded.

  
"Dean! Someone called the Towing company. Your Impala is getting towed", He grunted out between breaths. Dean cursed and then ducked as his mother tried to hit him with a dish towel before he ran out as fast as he could with dress shoes on. He stopped just on the other side of Baby as she was getting hitched up.

  
"Hey! Be careful with her! That's my baby! Why is she being towed any"-Dean was silenced as he caught the mess of dark hair and cobalt blue eyes; he took a step forward, the man's shocked expression rivaling his own.

  
"Cas?" Dean questioned, unsure; he had to be sure, Cas was dead. Is dead, mind you. There's no way-

  
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" He said, sounding confused. Dean continued to stare, he would know those blue eyes anywhere. That can't be right.

  
"Cas, it's...It's Dean", he murmured quietly. The man's sapphire blue eyes hardened, his mouth forming a thin, tight line.

  
"Whoever you are, don't talk to me ever again. You are playing a cruel joke, sir", he said adding the 'sir' almost as an afterthought. Dean was taken aback; could he have gotten the person wrong?

  
"Dean died years ago. This is just sick to even"-"Dean, what's taking so long?" Mary's soft voice came floating over. He saw the messy-haired man tense and then look back up at Dean, his expression more open then it had been.

  
"Dean...As in...Dean?" He asked, sounding as if he were far away instead of a few feet in front of of him.

  
"Dean as in, if you're Castiel Novak, then we were best friends since we were kids up until I was thirteen because you died from cancer", Dean was nearly whispering now.

  
"As in Dean Winchester, the boy who kissed me when we were suppose to be studying Algebra"-just like so many years before, Dean grabbed the front of his overalls and mashed their lips together in a heated, frenzied kiss. He thought Castiel was going to reciprocate the kiss when he was shoved back with so much force, he stumbled. Castiel wiped his mouth aggressively and gave him a venomous look, his soft blue eyes were steel.

  
"What the hell are you doing?" He asked angrily. Dean looked confused as if he didn't just kiss him. He could feel his heart beating so hard against his ribcage it almost hurt.

  
"I'm not gay", he bit out. Dean looked as if Castiel had slapped him. Dean took a step towards him and noticed the flinch; he stepped back.

  
"I'm sorry. But uh, I am allowed to park here so can you put my car back down?" He questioned. Dean looked down, trying to keep his emotions in check. Castiel lowered the car back down, unhitching it and kept his gaze away from Dean.

  
"I'll see you around, Cas?" Dean said it as more of a question than a statement. Castiel raised an eyebrow at him as he walked back to the tow truck.

  
"Yeah, whatever", Castiel answered, climbing into the truck.

  
Dean frowned but was happy enough that his car hadn't been towed. He looked at Mary with a pointed look and she nodded. Dean climbed into his car but instead of following after Castiel, he drove off towards Michael's house.

  
\----------

  
As Castiel drove back towards his work, he couldn't help but let his thoughts go back to Dean. _His Dean. The boy he had mourned over for thirteen years and just so happened to pop back up; how could this happen now? Why is this happening now?_

  
Castiel parked the truck and got out walking into the front lobby of his work- _Singer & Sons_\- he greeted his fiance with a chaste kiss to her temple which she tittered at, giving him a soft but convincing smile.

  
"How did it go? You didn't bring back the car?" She questioned. Castiel leaned against the counter, pinching the bridge of his nose.

  
"I have a lot on my mind. Something happened, Jo...and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it", he murmured. She raised an eyebrow at him, a very pointed look on her face.

  
"Does this have anything to do with your being gay?" She guessed, a small smirk on her face. He rolled his eyes at her and squinted at her with a stern look.

  
"Jo, can you please be an adult for five minutes?" He said gruffly, but teasingly. She laughed, an easy, soft sound.

  
"Geeze, Castiel. Don't get your panties in a twist...But did I happen to tell you I met someone?" She asked. He shook his head and then sighed.

  
"Jo, I saw Dean", he blurted out. Her face went slack as her mouth opened with a soft 'pop' sound; her eyes widened, her eyebrows near her hairline.

  
"Cas, was this another of your nightmares?" Jo asked, concern lacing her tone. He shook his head, his blue eyes holding a deep sadness as he gazed at a spot in the ceramic of the counter.

  
"No...I saw him. At his old home...Mary's house...I was...he kissed me", he said. Jo stood up and walked around the counter, pulling him into a stiff hug. He hugged back after a moment.

  
"I messed things up. I...I said I'm not gay to him. He looked as if I physically hurt him", he whispered. Jo tightened her arms around him and sighed, rubbing his arms.

  
"Well, you thought he was dead for thirteen years. I did too, but how do you know it's him?" She asked gently. He groaned, pulling away and rubbed his eyes.

  
"Because...I know it's him. I would never forget those eyes", he answered. He bit his lip as his thoughts traveled back to Dean. He had thinned out, not that Dean had ever been fat, but he had had a little pudge around his cheeks and around his hips; now he had a flattened stomach, a chiseled face by the Gods, a spatter of freckles like fresh cinnamon and his absinthe coloured eyes. Castiel sighed and looked at Jo, her heart shaped face, peaches and cream complexion; she was beautiful, but definitely not Castiel's type-as in she didn't have a cock.

  
"What's her name, Jo?" She questioned. Jo perked up as the bell overhead chimed lightly and her cheeks reddened.

  
"Hey, Jelly Bean", a voice chirped. Castiel turned his attention to the cute, red haired girl. She had emerald green eyes that sparked with happiness as she smiled at Jo.

  
"H-Hi, Charlie. I'd like you to meet Castiel, my boss", Jo answered. Charlie held up her hands with her fingers split down the middle in an odd symbol he didn't understand-he cocked his head to the side, squinting.

  
"Oh, it's a uh, Star Trek thing", Charlie faltered, giving him a weak smile. Jo slapped his arm and he blinked slowly.

  
"I'm sorry. I was staring...I've often been told by family and friends that I tend to do that. Please excuse me", he said gruffly before touching Jo's arm and walking to his workshop to get started on Bobby's '65 Chevelle-something wasn't working right, probably needed new spark plugs. He turned on his classical music station and got started as Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata came through the speakers littered around the room.

  
\-----------

  
As Jo and Charlie walked into the old 50's style diner, Charlie noticed that Jo seemed down about something.

  
"Jo, what's wrong? Do you not want to eat here?" She asked, touching her arm just under her elbow. Jo jumped and turned to give Charlie a soft smile.

  
"It's not that. It's just...I wish we could walk in here and people would assume we're together. Not that we're just friends, but...", she trailed off, her big brown eyes downcast. Charlie smiled, leaning closer and kissed her cheek with a chaste kiss. Jo's eyes widened as he cheeks reddened and she quickly looked around, making sure none of the usual customers saw.

  
"It's okay, one day we will be able to. Your fiance seems very understanding of our relationship"-"How many today?" A perky blonde waitress came over, with green eyes and wide, white smile.

  
"Just two of us. Preferably a booth", Charlie answered with a dazzling smile of her own. The waitress lead them near the back and placed two menus down, leaning against the opposite side.

  
"My name is Becky and I will be your server, what would you like to drink? I suggest something warm maybe? It's kind of chilly out there and I would personally get a mint hot chocolate but"-"Mint hot chocolate sounds wonderful, two of those please, thank you", Jo said cutting into her smoothly. Her face was scrunched up as if she had sucked on a lemon, a sure sign she was just a bit aggravated. Becky wrote it down and walked off with a wiggle in her step as Charlie sat down across from Jo.

  
"My fiance and I...aren't an open relationship, but we're both not in this relationship because we love each other. I mean Cas and I, love each other but not in the way our parents' would like", she answered. Charlie placed her hand over Jo's, wanting to snag her attention. Jo's eyes lifted from the menu and she gave Charlie a better smile which she returned, a small dimple popping out on the corner of her chin.

  
"So, you are interested in me more than a friend?" Charlie teased as Jo's eyes widened innocently, playfully.

  
"Oh no, I just like you for your looks", she replied a gentle lilt in her voice. Charlie giggled as Becky set two mugs down with whipped cream and a small sprig of mint on the side.

  
"Have ya'll decided what you would like?" She asked, her elbow on her hip spinning the pen between her nimble fingers. Charlie glanced at the menu and smiled at Jo, having been here before.

  
"Mind if I order for you, Jo?" She asked. Jo shook her head with a smile and handed her menu to Becky while Charlie pointed out what she wanted, not letting Jo hear what she ordered.

  
\------------------------------

  
Dean sat parked in Michael's dirt driveway, thoughts buzzing back and forth; Castiel is alive, Dean's dated a few men and a few women, none of them ever matching up to what he wanted-Castiel. He noticed a few times he had dated a dark haired guy with bright blue eyes that were never the right shade and vice versa with women; it was never Castiel. Dean had only ever wanted his best friend, he loved him-to find out that after all this time he was alive and he doesn't even want Dean. I'm not gay repeated itself like a poison through his mind, making his limbs feel numb in an indescribable way. He ran his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time, making it even messier. Dean climbed out of his car and strode up the driveway, his anger taking on a darker tone. Knocking on the door, he felt even angrier; Michael had lied to him. The door opened and there stood Michael, only he looked disheveled; his usually coiffed hair was lank and dirty, he had at least a weeks worth of stubble and his once bright eyes were dull, reddened with the effects of alcohol. He didn't look surprised to see Dean there.

  
"Why did you tell me Castiel was dead all those years ago?" Dean demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. Michael stared at him for a moment until a disgusted sneer appeared on his face, his face twisting into an ugly scowl.

  
"You are a disgusting person. He was a good kid and you were going to corrupt him. You're gross and fucking men is wrong; get off of my property before I call the police", he said so quickly and harshly that Dean watched spit gather around the corners of his mouth. Dean turned on his heel and scowled at the ground as he stomped to his car, hurling the door open and climbing in, starting Baby up. He drove off with gravel flying and drove back towards his mom's house. He parked behind an unfamiliar car and got out, loosening his tie. He wanted to take a quick shower and change into a tshirt and jeans before heading down to one of his many car shops; as he walked inside, his eyes going to the figures on the stairs in a full lip-lock. He pulled his phone out quickly and snapped a picture of Sam and a shorter, blonde haired boy. The shutter sound alerted the two boys and they pulled apart, almost guiltily. Dean pulled his hands up in a surrender motion and pressed a finger to his own lips-their secret was safe with him. Dean looked around for his mom once he entered the kitchen, surprised to see Castiel sitting at the kitchen table. Castiel looked up, his appearance matched Dean's disheveled appearance. His hair was if possible, even messier his blue eyes accentuated by the redness residing in them; Dean sucked in a deep breath while swallowing heavily as he looked from Castiel to his mom. She herself had a few tear streaks down her face and Dean felt his heart break-he hated it when his mom cried.

  
"Mom", he whispered as he walked over to her, wiping her cheeks. He turned on Castiel, a bit of a defensive stance in his posture.

  
"What did you say to her?" He asked, almost as if he was accusing Castiel of hurting his mother's feelings; he was about to start yelling at him when his mom placed her hand on his arm. He whipped his head to look at her and the fight died out of him, his shoulders sagging while he continued to look at the compassionate look etched onto his mother's face.

  
"You two have a lot to talk about and I would prefer if you both gave each other a chance to talk. Castiel, I want you to tell Dean what you told me and Dean, I want you to listen and then vice versa. Is that understood?" She asked. Dean shifted under the look he was giving her and Castiel didn't respond, instead he chose to look at an old burn mark on the table.

  
"I said, is that understood?" She repeated in a firmer tone that had both men snapping their heads up quickly and nodded.

  
"Yes, ma'am", they said in unison. Mary stood then and gave Dean a quick hug before squeezing Castiel's shoulder. Dean took a seat in the chair Mary had previously occupied, not wanting to meet Castiel's gaze. They heard Mary's soft voice talking to Sam and the boy Dean had yet to identify.

  
"I'm sorry, Dean. For what I said...I didn't...", Castiel trailed off as Dean's eyes traveled up the tanned neck and locked eyes with him. Castiel always had a way of looking at Dean as if he could see right through him. Dean held his gaze until Castiel looked away.

  
"It was so much to deal with all at once. I thought you've been dead for over thirteen years Dean...I...I'm engaged. To a woman and"-"You're engaged?" Castiel looked up at Dean's tone; it wasn't angry or mocking, it was hurt. Castiel sighed and held up his left hand before he reached for Dean's hand with his right. He held tighter when Dean tried to pull away.

  
"I'm really glad you're not dead. But I do happen to know that a lot has changed over the years, but I'm sure you're very successful in what you do. I am lucky I have a job that makes me happy"-"Look Cas, I'm not good with this chick flick stuff. You really shouldn't even be talking to me if you're engaged", Dean said, smoothly interjecting. Castiel scowled at him before pressing his hand harshly against Dean's as he stood and gripped his chin in the other hand before planting a searing, harsh kiss on his bow shaped lips. Dean immediately pulled away and was confused by the look of hurt on Castiel's face; he jerked his hand away and stood up quickly, almost stumbling.

  
"What the hell Cas? You're"-"I'm gay, Dean! I'm engaged to a lesbian. We're both unhappy at the costs of our parents. I don't want to marry her...I've always wanted you", he said softly. Dean stared at him, unsure of how to deal with this rush of emotions. He's always wanted Cas too; it was always Cas. Since he had always thought he'd never see him he tried finding him in others and never succeeded, maybe this time he could. Dean inhaled deeply before gathering his thoughts and taking a seat as Cas did the same.

  
"Cas, after I was told you were dead things went to shit for me...I...I barely ate, I barely slept. I mean, my grades slipped for a bit but I managed to graduate with a four point oh grade point average because I thought I would disappoint you if I ever got anything lower than that. I'm still taking medication for depression and"-"Dean, it doesn't matter to me if you need a little help because of what happened. You were thirteen, how did you even cope?" Castiel asked, cutting him off. Dean huffed and wiped his face before he unbuttoned the cuffs on his wrists. He rolled his sleeves up and Castiel was surprised for lack of a better word as he took in the crisscross, white scars along his forearm.

  
"I started cutting when I was fifteen...I was depressed Cas. Mom sent me to a school in Sioux Falls with my Uncle Bobby because she was worried. I started seeing a counselor and she really helped. I'm ten years clean and I don't think I will ever have the urge to do that to myself again but I'm damaged, Cas", he finished. His eyes widened, his mouth opening in a soft 'o' shape as Castiel pulled his arm towards him and rubbed his thumb over the scars. Dean had always felt uncomfortable when he dated someone and they found out about his scars, they looked at him as if he was an idiot. He hated the way they looked at him, but Castiel just seemed upset as if it were his fault.

  
"Dean, I don't care that you're damaged. I don't want to fix you. I want you the way that you are, damaged or not. I never...", he trailed off with a sigh. Dean looked at him curiously, wanting him to continue as he withdrew his hand, buttoning up his cuffs again.

  
"You never what, Cas?" Dean asked. Castiel shifted in his seat uncomfortably, biting his bottom lip. Dean's eyes trailed the movement while simultaneously licking his own. How wonderful Castiel's lips had tasted, rough but soft, he couldn't describe it.

  
"I never dated anyone...I mean people had just assumed Jo and I were dating, so we went with it", he muttered. Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
"I tried to date...I did, but they weren't you Cas. It's always been you for me too", he whispered. Castiel stood again and pushed between his legs so he was standing between them. Dean looked up at him as Castiel laced both of their hands together; Castiel could hear his heart beating quickly against his rib cage. As Castiel leaned in, Dean turned his head away with a soft sigh.

  
"Cas, I can't. You're engaged and how would she feel?" He questioned. Castiel sighed and pulled his hands away, before cupping Dean's face in his hands and pressing another harsh kiss on his lips before pulling back; his green eyes were wide, his lips a bit swollen from the attention.

  
"Dean, my fiance went out with whom I assume is her soon to be girlfriend. We live together and sleep in separate bedrooms. We are not happy with who we are with", he replied.  _How many more times do I need to tell you, Dean_! Dean looked up at him with an apologetic look. 

"Kiss me again", he said. Castiel raised an eyebrow at him, a suspicious look on his face.

  
"I won't pull away this time", he promised. Castiel slowly leaned down, his mouth only a few centimeters from Dean's when they both heard laughter, jumping apart-their hearts were banging around in their chest. Sam and the other boy were laughing from the doorway and making kissy faces along with noises at them. Dean couldn't help but smile, squeezing Castiel's hands and taking them from his face. Castiel looked hurt until Dean kissed his cheek lightly.

  
"Sammy, who's your friend?" He questioned. Sam's face flushed darkly as three pairs of eyes looked towards his hulking frame. The shorter, chubbier but definitely handsome one looked at Dean with eyes that looked like the sun going through a glass of whiskey.

  
"They call me Gabriel. I should be getting home soon though", he said, saluting Dean and giving Sam a sloppy(mostly to annoy Dean), kiss and walked out giving a soft goodbye to Mary. Sam was redder than Dean had ever seen him.

  
"Uhm...I have to go do some homework", he muttered before thumping out of the kitchen and thudding up the stairs. In an instant, Dean had gripped Castiel by his shirt and pulled him against his chest, crashing their lips together; Castiel held Dean by his face, returning the kiss harshly. Their teeth clicked together in their frenzy until the heard a soft cough; they pulled away, their chests hitting each other's as they took deep breaths. As they turned around Mary stood in the doorway into the kitchen, her cheeks reddened a bit; she looked embarrassed.

  
"If you're staying for dinner, Castiel...?" She left the question in the air as she walked to the further part of the kitchen; from the fridge she pulled out the now cold lasagna-it had been a few hours since they were suppose to eat.

  
"Ma, I'm sorry. I mean,"-"Sam and I ate, but why don't you warm this up and I'm off to bed now, so if you're going to go at it, please keep it down", she chided gently, before setting the lasagna on the counter. She kissed Dean on the forehead and then Castiel, walking upstairs as well.

  
"I'm actually not hungry, Dean", Castiel said. Dean looked at him in question until he saw the predatory look in his blue eyes.

  
_Well, fuck._


	3. All About Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided people should try to understand Michael's point of view even though he completely went about it the wrong way. I'm not saying everyone has to forgive him, but personally he is one of my favorite character developments. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and those of you waiting on the Misha Collins fanfic, I'm working on it, really. I just have a hard time of trying to take it somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!: Gay slurs and general rudeness, hatefulness.

_"Michael Sterling Novak!" A shrill voice shouted. Michael jumped away from his science partner slash secret boyfriend James as his mother stood in the doorway fuming. His heart was pounding in his chest. She had her arms folded over her chest and James looked highly uncomfortable. Michael looked down as James stood._

_"Mrs. Novak, it's really nothing to"-"You get your disgusting queer shit out of my house. Keep away from my son. What you're doing is wrong", she said dangerously. James gathered his things, stunned that she talked to him that way-he knew Michael would stay quiet because he also knew how his mother treated him. James hoped he wouldn't cause him too much trouble once he left. As he walked passed Michael's mother, he turned to look back at Michael whom was looking at him, panic and affection shining in his blue green eyes. James sighed and walked out; Michael flinched once he heard the front door close._

  
_"I thought I raised you to be better than some queer", she sneered as she stepped towards her nine year old son. Michael kept his gaze down, hoping that would stop her from hitting him this time._

  
_"Boys don't kiss boys, Michael. It's wrong and sick, it's disgusting!" She exclaimed harshly before digging her fingers into his chin to force him to face her. Her eyes were cold and he realised, his mother was longer inside this shell of whom she had become. Michael could smell the bourbon on her breath as she stared at him coldly. The first sound smack stung, after the fourth or fifth, Michael no longer felt his face. He willed himself not to cry as he felt his nose bleed down his face. When Michael finally dropped to his knees, his mother was panting and she stormed out of his room. He grabbed what was nearest to him to wipe his nose and apply pressure when a tiny little toddler, with eyes the colour of the ocean crawled by his bedroom door. Michael looked at his baby brother, Castiel they named him, crawled into the room and sat up, offering his arms to Michael. Michael held him close as he cried, promising to protect him from anything that could hurt him. Nine years old and already a man-it wasn't an easy life._

  
_"I'm going to take care of you, Castiel", Michael promised. He ran his hand through his hair before he laid on his bed with his baby brother._  
_Michael was taken out of school and home-schooled by his mother until he was eighteen and he passed the high school exit exam. Michael was going to travel for six months, going to different countries until he came back to his childhood home._

  
Michael woke up in a cold sweat, his eyes seeing the grey, cold colour of his ceiling. His head felt fuzzy like it was full of insulation and he groaned as he slowly sat up before he felt around his bed for the bottle of scotch he knew he had. After finding it, he brought the bottle to his lips taking a long pull on it, feeling the slight burn in the back of his throat. He got to his feet shakily and stumbled around the room until he found his robe and yawned, stumbling down the stairs. He rubbed at his red rimmed eyes, letting out a soft breath at the sting. Michael frowned as he saw all the empty bottles and sighed before he walked to the living room to sit on the couch. He stared at the black screen of his television, rubbing his hand down his face feeling the month old stubble on his cheeks. He had really let his home go, he let himself go. Ever since the day he read that James had gotten married to a beautiful young woman-it hurt, stung him more than he thought it would have. Michael sighed as he finished off the scotch, his eyes closing while he yawned. He made himself get up and get dressed, he didn't bother shaving. He grabbed his keys and made his way out to his car, starting it up and he yawned. Michael was a bit sleepy and he knew he needed some groceries. He remembered the day he saw the newspaper clipping as he sat at a red light.

  
_James Hamilton announces engagement to girlfriend Elizabeth Townsend, -they will be married in three short months and are expecting their first child._

  
It had hurt Michael deeply-the boy, James, had told Michael when they were younger that he was gay and then he was engaged to a very pretty woman and expecting a child. If Michael were honest with himself, he never accepted the fact he was gay and he felt immense guilt of what he had done to his baby brother and his lover at the time. He had made a promise to protect his brother and instead he had convinced him that he was scum and disgusting. Michael pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and he parked, taking a moment to gather his thoughts before he turned off the car and climbed out. Taking a cart he made his way towards the frozen foods. He was looking at the different pizzas and selections of frozen potatoes when he felt something run into his cart. It was a little girl of about six, she had dark hair and bright brown eyes-something about her made his heart clench.

  
"I-I'm sorry Mister. I didn't"-"Mikayla!" A man appeared, looking worried but the color returned to his face once he saw his other daughter. He was holding a young boy who seemed to be maybe one or two and he stopped when he saw Michael. His chocolate brown eyes widened and Michael had to remind himself to breathe. James. When he did, a relaxed smile took over his features and he knelt down to the little girl.

  
"It's okay, sweetheart. Just be careful next time...You don't want to mess up your pretty dress", he said kindly. The little girl, Mikayla beamed at him before she smiled brightly.

  
"It's a princess dress! Like Cinderella!" She gushed. Michael smiled.

  
"It's really pretty", he commented and the girl's cheeks flushed. She chewed on her thumb and smiled. Michael stood up straight, giving a strained smile to the man who had broken his heart.

  
"It's good to see you Michael...Maybe we can"-"I'm sorry, I have to go. It was nice seeing you James and nice meeting you, Mikayla", Michael said before he booked it out of the aisle and headed for another one. He threw some boxed pastas and dishes in his cart before he hurried down the aisle lined with alcohol. He put two bottles of whiskey in the cart and hurried into the line.  
\----  
Once arriving home, Michael was on edge as he started putting the food away. His hands shook-how odd is it that after he had a daydream about him, he saw him. James, James had been everything to Michael though they were so young. He had gotten Michael to love himself even when he felt like his parents didn't. Michael got to be himself around James and James accepted him. James, Michael would say was easily the love of his life. Michael wiped his hands down his face and sat down at the kitchen chair. He remembered again the day he had seen the photo in the town newspaper of James Hamilton and Elizabeth Townsend-the mayor's daughter. It was a huge event and resulted in two perfect children; it made Michael's chest ache. It was everything he had wanted out of life, a wonderful husband, two little ones and a home, something Michael had never had. He turned to drinking right after their son had been born, he was rarely sober and when he was, he was driving to the liquor store to get his next drink and be completely shitfaced the next. It wasn't healthy and Michael needed to stop it. He stood, feeling a numbness overtake him as he grabbed the whiskey bottles and opened them, pouring them down the drain. He watched the dark brown liquid swirl around and eventually go down. He sighed and then walked upstairs, heading into the bathroom to take a shower and shave- _God, how long has it been since he's done that?_

  
As he stepped out of the shower, Michael felt refreshed, clean. He smelled clean and he went to the vanity to thoroughly brush his teeth, feeling the heavy weight of the remaining scotch being scrubbed from his mouth as he reached for the mouthwash under the sink. There were a few things Michael needed to change in his life and he should apologise to both Castiel and Dean. He should never have done what his mother had done to him and then turn around and do it to his brother-his baby brother no less. Whom, from the moment he was brought home, Michael had sworn to protect and always be there for. He deserved the life he was living if he was hurting his own brother because he had a bad childhood. Michael decided it would be best to see them face to face if they would allow it. He's caused both of those boys a lot of pain that would have entered their adult lives and he was the cause of it. Michael had used alcohol as a means of coping with that horrific lie he had come up with. He didn't deserve their forgiveness but he knew he needed to explain things and at least try-something he had never done before either. Castiel hadn't spoken to him in six years and that stung, but after how he had treated him, he couldn't blame his younger brother. He decided to make himself something to eat while he wrote down everything he had to apologise for; once more getting lost in the past.

  
"You know, maybe we could tell my parents"-"It's not going to work, James. My mother won't let me see you and I can't go behind her back...She'd find out anyway", Michael said as he rocked Castiel on his chest. He had stepped outside at one point and James had met him at their secret spot-for five minutes. Castiel was babbling at his older brother and chewing on his hand as he looked between the two boys. James sighed and then gave Michael an impish smile, tilting his head as he ran a hand through his hair.  
"One more kiss? Since it's our last?" He asked. Michael looked around nervously before he leaned closer to James, bending to his will easily. James cupped Michael's cheek in his hand and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to his lips-it was bittersweet, longing. Michael pulled back and could see tears in James' eyes. He looked down before Castiel squealed at his brother excitedly and Michael smiled slightly at the tiny life in his arms. James stepped back away and left. Michael sniffed wetly for a few moments before he expressed his face into the mask that he would eventually have for the rest of his life. 


End file.
